Feeling Angry.

I don't know what is going on inside my body, but whatever it is needs to stop.  I've been so angry and upset the past few days.  I've been thinking about Aaron's ex-es and Dylan way too much.  Fucking Maddie. Bitch.  I found some messages on Aaron's fb awhile ago between the two of him saying how he still cares for her, his favorite dance was with her, and a few other things.  I know it was last fall and we'd only been dating for 6 months, but still.  I'm kind of trying to let it go because I know where Aaron and I stand now is much farther than he and Maddie ever did, but she keeps popping into my head! I feel like she is a better person overall than I am.  The way they talked to each other was so easy and nice.  It's nothing like how he and I talk to each other.  I guess I may be second guessing his decision the way I do with my own when I'm upset.  It's ridiculous. In my head I know it is. Sometimes it easy to fall into that state of mind.  I shouldn't. I know it should be long gone.  I know we love each other. I really have no idea what's gotten into my head.  I want it gone.  I'm hoping that going home in a few days for Christmas will help.  It will help or make it much worse.. We'll see I guess.

1. Music

2. Working Out

3. Life Cereal

4. Camelbak Water Bottles

Finally, a good modern dance class.

I already said this, but since Ryann got her gall bladder out, she hasn't been here.  It's been the best two days in a long time.  Not to mention Modern class. I hate that she's there.  I hate watching her.  I hate that she is always trying for compliments like she thinks she's horrible (she is though), but later will brag about how she's better than others (she's the worst one in the class).  Honestly, she just gives out a nasty, nasty vibe.  We had class this morning and she wasn't there.  It was by far my best modern class this year.  Finally, I was able to let go and laugh with some of the other people in the class and kick butt while dancing.  And I didn't even feel guilty that I was loving it.  I even talked to some of the girls I usually ignore, and I like them.  I am so looking forward to next semester when I won't have classes with her, and I'm even more excited for next year when I won't have to deal with her any longer. 

Aaron and I moved my mattress to his house, and I am loving sleeping there.  No more Ryann sleeping talking, or her dumb fish running into the rocks in its tank, just blissful sleep.  It's amazing.

1. DANCE

2. Dr. Pepper

3. Independence

4. Early mornings

5. Working out

I hate roommates.

My roommates are crazy.  Alyssa is okay, but I feel like she has lots of hidden secrets and doesn't say anything but is actually pretty judgmental.  Favorite roommate though.  Crystal...where to start?! I know she helped Aaron get a job, which I am thankful for, but other than that I do not really like her.  She is also very conniving.  She lies to Jasmine's face about all sorts of things, and I have no doubt she does the same to me.  And let's be honest, if she had as many diseases as she says she does, she would be really really sick.  Not to mention the fact that she's a slob.  Not just a little bit here an there- ALL THE TIME.  Bitch.  We don't even pretend to get along.  Then there's Jasmine...the "well this time I.." "My best friend..." It's literally never ending.  And the funny thing is that she doesn't even have friends other than Crystal (which is obviously not a real one), Glen (who she doesn't think is gay, but he definitely is!), and Danny.  Speaking of Danny, who she still says she isn't dating... BE REAL JAS, THIS IS THE MOST REAL RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD!!!  Your 2 month fling your senior year does not count.  It's not weird that he is your friend on facebook- you hardly even had a crush on him!  One more thing, I know you keep asking, but I really don't want to go to family home evening with you! Make some freaking friends and go with them.  I'm not mormon and I live here.  Obviously I don't WANT to be!  SO STOP ASKING!

And last but not least...Ryann.  We only got along for the first month of school.  Since then, Aaron and I have been trying to make her leave.  GO HOME! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!  She thinks we hit the bottom when I wrote mean things on an (empty!) toilet paper roll, but I felt that way this entire time.  I thought I was going to get lucky with her going home, but then she got offered a spot on the tour team (only because everyone is leaving on missions, she can't actually dance) and now I'm stuck with her till May 7th.  I hate when she talks about herself losing weight.  She hasn't lost any since we've been here! And even if she has lost a few pounds, she's still seriously fat.  I don't know how she lets herself be that way, but whatever.  Another thing, STOP COPYING ME.  Maybe you think I should be flattered by it, but I'm really not.  In fact, I want you to stop.  Nutella, Modern 3, BBq chips and cottage cheese. STOP! Be your own person, and more importantly, let me be my own WITHOUT YOU! I don't want to have anything to do with you.  I don't care about your dogs, your friends, and especially your dad.  Your bitchy, grumpy dad.  You know, I always kind of liked him.  But now I have lost all respect and then some more.  While we're on the topic of family, your Grandma.  She's even sneakier than you.  That's something you don't realize.  You think she's on your side, but I think that when you leave she probably isn't anymore.  Another thing, they don't need you "checking in" on them.  LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.  They don't need you.  You even admit that you never had a real relationship with them before you lived here, so why do you think you're suddenly more important to them than you were? You're not.  I'm not even going to address her telling me and Aaron not to talk to her other than to say it's ridiculous.  Well Ry, I hope you have getting your gall bladder out.  Because I'm happy that you won't be here for the next few days. 

Phew... A lot of needed negativity.  But onto some positives....

1. Ballet- a constant love/hate, but it's really a love.

2. Almost the end of the semester

3. Real people who don't care what others think

4. A dishwasher 

5. KISSES!

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!

This year, Aaron's mom, mom's boyfriend, Loren, and Amber came to Cedar and celebrated with us.  I missed my family, but am thankful to have his family support us just the same.  It was a little weird to have Thanksgiving without the foods my family has every year (blue cheese on celery, only good on Thanksgiving! And my Dad's awesome yams) but I guess that's something I'll get used to as I grow up.

1. The video game Penguins of Madagascar- it's all I've done over the break!

2. Gatorade

3. Endorphins from working out

4. Intelligence

5. An awesome cuddly, loving, sexy boyfriend!